First published: 20/08/2024
By Grace Carter
As a mother of two beautiful children, I am also a mother who has experienced the heart-wrenching loss of four pregnancies. Each of those losses left me not just with the physical pain, but with a deep emotional wound that words alone struggle to convey. Yet, when I turned to the medical community for confirmation of my losses and support, I was met with terminology that felt cold, clinical, and deeply insensitive.
Terms like "spontaneous abortion" and "retained products of conception" were used to describe the most devastating moments of my life. This language doesn’t just describe a medical event — it diminishes our babies, our dreams, and our hopes into sterile, unfeeling jargon.
It's time we change the way we talk about miscarriage, starting in our hospitals and doctor's offices.
The Impact of Language
When I lost my first pregnancy, the words I heard bandied around were like daggers. "You’ve had a spontaneous abortion." The word 'abortion' is something I would usually associate with someone who has made a choice (for whatever reason) to end a pregnancy. But this wasn't a choice. I hadn’t just "lost a pregnancy" — I had lost a child. The term "spontaneous abortion" made it sound like it was something my body chose to do, something out of my control, and even something shameful. The term itself is loaded with connotations that suggest abruptness, something intended, even careless. But there was nothing careless about how I felt or about the baby I had nurtured, even in those early weeks.
Another term I encountered was "retained products of conception." This phrase was used when my body didn’t immediately expel the pregnancy tissue after a miscarriage. But to me, those weren’t just "products" — that was my baby. My dreams of holding that baby, of watching them grow up, of adding another member to our family. To reduce all of that to "products of conception" felt like a cruel dismissal of everything I had hoped and dreamed for.
Language Shapes Our Experience
Language is powerful. It shapes the way we perceive our experiences and the way others understand them. When healthcare professionals use terms like "spontaneous abortion" and "retained products of conception," they may not intend to cause harm, but the impact is real. This kind of language strips away the humanity of the experience, leaving parents feeling isolated and misunderstood at a time when they most need compassion and support.
When we experience a miscarriage, we are grieving a life that could have been. We are mourning the loss of a future we had already started to imagine. When medical language fails to recognise this emotional reality, it compounds the pain.
The Need for Change
So, how do we change this? It starts with awareness and education. Medical professionals need to understand the emotional weight these terms carry and seek to use language that acknowledges the humanity of the loss. Instead of "spontaneous abortion," why not use "early pregnancy loss" or simply "miscarriage"? These terms are less clinical and more reflective of the emotional reality. They don’t place blame or suggest that the loss was somehow an intentional act by the body.
Similarly, instead of "retained products of conception," we could say "retained pregnancy tissue." This is still medically accurate but doesn’t reduce the loss to something impersonal. It acknowledges that what remains was once part of a life — a life that was loved and wanted.
Hospitals and clinics should also offer training to healthcare providers on how to speak with parents who are experiencing or have experienced a miscarriage. This training should emphasise empathy, the importance of validating the parents' feelings, and the need to offer support rather than just medical explanations.
A Call to Compassion
Changing the language around miscarriage is not just about semantics — it’s about creating a more compassionate and supportive environment for those who are grieving. For parents who have lost a pregnancy, the words used to describe that loss can either add to the pain or help in the healing process. We owe it to these parents to choose our words carefully, to acknowledge their loss as real and profound, and to offer them the respect and empathy they deserve.
As a mother who has lived through this pain, I call on hospitals, doctors, and all healthcare professionals to reconsider the language they use when talking about miscarriage. Let’s create a culture where parents feel supported and understood, not dismissed or dehumanised. Because in the end, it’s not just about the words we use — it’s about the care and compassion we show to those who need it most.
Grace Carter is a mother of two, an advocate for compassionate healthcare, and a voice for those who have experienced pregnancy loss.
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